Tuesday, 5 July 2016

stone femme shoes archive July 15, 2008

stone femme shoes archive
July 15, 2008

ive got another script cut up across my floor, shifting the bits around, ducking and diving with the sellotape, playing jig saw puzzles with a story.

i feel so GRACEFUL lately...and i dont mean im swanning around elegantly  - just i have a feeling of being part of some amazing process. lthe last few days after weeks of feeling shitty, exhausted and LOW, life has just picked me up and everything is feeling ALLRIGHT  ;D

so yeah - got a story on the floor and it always makes me happy to be writing. its such a mysterious process...i can never quite figure how listening to people, then sitting around and doing nothing (except waiting for my brain to figure it out) eventually results in a script getting spat out at the end of it.

ive been meditating for the first time in ages lately WOAW...craziness.
its turned into a wild journey - meeting my own death/my fear of death in a visualization.
its funny i never used to have a fear of death at all, ive spent so much of my life speeding towards it on a self destruct mission.
now that ive calmed down (yes this is the conservative reasonable me) ive figured out ive developed a fear of dying and also as im getting older! some grief around losing youth.
thats kinda cool tho....wow....like maybe i respect my life!

the other thing ive been bouncing around about this week is finding another gender queer femme. it happened so by chance - just one of those things that gets mentioned and i followed up on. sometimes with the whole gender thing i start to feel as if i don't exist, i meet so few other people who are like me or who will even believe or acknowledge my experience as being real.
sometimes i get the feeling that i dont have the strength just to be who i am ...i start thinking i should just TRY HARDER to fit in and be something people would understand.

so yeah.....this week i found some one who is femme and doesn't necessarily relate to defining herself as female  ;D ;D ;D just hearing that makes me so happy.....
i cant explain it...im just EXCITED about that...like some one else said 'its like finding another strange bird in the rain forest and being happy because then at least you know there is more than one'

life is good

yipeeee!!!  ;D


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