Wednesday, 20 July 2016

stone femme shoes archive August 19, 2008, 08:57:53 PM

stone femme shoes archive
August 19, 2008, 08:57:53 PM

hmmm....writing is not going very fast at the moment - well not the creative stuff anyway, tho yesterday i edited down a 8,000 word interveiw that tom cruise and i did for the turkish LGBT mag Kaos GL to just over 4,000 words so we can use it in the queer beograd book and picked the photos from transfab for the book. today i rewrote the intro for the section on trans stuff and also rewrote two short pieces describing the performances we do. *ahem* all of this while at 'the day job' YIKES wonder i always look busy while at work.  :-\

and ive been thinking of the two particular people that refers to.....both of whom taught me so much about being a woman*.

that may seem strange but my family upbringing taught me a lot of weird things about being a girl...mostly stuff based on being dependent on some one else for income/safety/anything it wasnt until i met Crystal and Lucretia that i was introduced to the idea of behaving with FIERCE dignity, being unafraid and unashamed of my sexuality and getting out there and 'FLAUNTING IT GIRRRRL'

these girls were TOUGH, but in the way of having pride in who they were, carrying on being fabulous despite physical threats, verbal abuse, dirty looks, all the shit of being out in public in a small town....

Crystal especially always carried  herself like a queen - over 6' tall and at least 20 stone she was an imposing figure. i can still remember her oft repeated words 'honey, dont ever mess with a drag queen'  from her i learned to walk tall and if anyone had anything to say to me turn and look them in the eye....

Lucretia was a slightly different kind of girl - i remember celebrating with her when late in life she decided to begin transition. sitting the kitchen table one day we were talking about learning to feel good about ourselves. of breaking the habit of low self esteem and not appreciating our own looks. i was talking about looking back at pictures of myself in my early 20's seeing that i was pretty! which was SO different from how i felt about myself at the time. she was talking about looking at pictures of herself as a young guy, thinking 'hmmm, not bad, i could fancy him' we both never appreciated what we had at the time. from that point on i swore to always find some way to feel good about my stop listening to the mental shite that told me anything else.

i would sit with them as they sewed sequins and feathers onto elaborate costumes for hours at a time, we would do 'girly' stuff together, enjoying dressing up, being glam, from them i learned it was ok to be LOUDER and more full on....because growing up i had always been taught to tone it down.

we would talk about relationships, the pleasure and pain of romance....talking about men one time Lucretia said 'bloody hell sweets think i used to be one!'

one night when i was broken hearted after another disastrous romance i went to Lucretia for help.....and she did the greatest thing for me of all....she handed me a camera, a beautiful 6x4 meduim format SLR pentax. a talented photographer herself she knew that the best thing, the only thing she could really do for me was push me towards creating something for myself.

that night i went home and for the first time ever consciously dressed in drag...more make up that i would ever wear in public, an outfit that felt risque at the time, shiny gold shoes, my hair slicked down....the pictures were titled 'tonight i feel like a drag queen'.
thats when i began to be Femme.

*A term I have a complex relationship with.

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