Monday, 1 August 2011
in sickness and in health
It's been bloody ages since I wrote anything here. Post Athens/Sanfran helter skelter...June and July were BAD health months. *presses whinge button* My health is a bit dodgy, I'm prone to a boom and bust cycle of living. When I'm 'up' I run hard, when I'm not I tend to fall over for a while and say things like 'would someone PLEASE make me a cup of tea, cos I can't move.' resting....sure can get boring when it's not a choice.
Anyhow I've been doing mammoth amounts of lying down, a bit of weeping from time to time and a lot of feeling sorry for myself. Not sure about doing any Edith Piaf cover songs in the future. 'No Regrets'?? well sometimes I really DO wish I hadn't taken shit loads of drugs and partied so hard way back in the 80's. I come over all 'Nancy Reagan' (on the drugs policy not the right wing politics) and find myself muttering 'kids, just say no' :P
Sometimes it occurs to me I also might have 'poor health' cos it's been almost 20 years of the run/fall down/run/fall down cycle. fuck it. it's a long time of 'getting by'. I know I'm not the only person who has developoed a habit of doing too much on too little, living on adrenaline... it's a common mode of opperation in activist and creative circles. And the irony of it is that when that level of activity can't be sustained there may be very little support or visibilty for those who work very hard for their communities.
Over the years I've been to a fair few activist burn out workshops, tho it's not a matter just of health, but also of what happends when peoples lives change. I've heard similar stories of instant invisibilty from those who have become parents, or have ceased in other ways to be able to sustain the usual punishing schedule.
I feel like a bad friend, I can't keep up with my basic correspondance let alone all the various projects I have on hold. Plus I have the invisible sort of crap health where people say 'hey you look great'...I'm not complaining. But I do have a few issues around denial with this stuff.
In some ways what I wish for is that as soon as I 'out' myself as having such chronic poor health that it will cease to be true. Bring on bucket loads of energy, the abilty to leap tall barricades in a single bound! or right now I would even go for the abilty to walk in a semi reasonable demonstration without being utterly knackered the next day.
It makes me laugh but seriously what I need at the moment is a P.A. (personal assistant)...I currently lack sufficient energy to move forward with one or two pressing projects and I need to do so. I have a stupid situation where it's often too painful for me to type long stretches of time.
So....dear future totally unpaid but loving interns....come to me!!!! (I.AM.NOT.KIDDING) I promise that as I dictate from a propped up position I can teach you much about the art of creative chaos and rable rousing....and we have such great projects to work on!
1. Is the Queer Beograd event to be held in Serbia in a couple of months time.
(performance/politcal panels) on class and borders.
2. is the publication of the 'border fuckers' scripts. We have funding to produce a small book of the scripts written by myself (in collaboration with others) over the past 6 years or so. It's a total of around 20 scripts and accompanying photographic documentation of queer political threatre produced as a part of queer beograds festivals.
ok have to stop typing for now, ...and go and do something that involves resting/or making a living. Let's call this an update.